I have been forced to deal with a few blows this weekend. It’s been a lot for me to process and I figured, “what better way to start off the week than with a huge gut sized dose of reality and over-sharing?”
Yesterday morning, I woke up at my friend’s beach house feeling good and only slightly guilty for the few glasses of wine I had enjoyed the night before. So I trotted off to the Bally’s in Hermosa (a first for me) and got a good work out in so I could enjoy the rest of my Saturday guilt-free. When I got back to the house to shower, I saw something in the mirror that I am not sure I have ever seen- a full length, nude side-profile of yours truly. Our bathroom at home is too small for any such visual, so for the last four years I have lived here, this has been an image easy to avoid. In a large enough bathroom where you can back far enough away from the mirror to fit your whole self in… it is a vision one can not avoid.
I felt like one of those cartoons, where the person from the front looked normal, but their side profile, they were thin as a pancake after a piano or giant anvil had landed on them. Only what I saw in the mirror was not a pancake, but a person who looks like they could win back to back pancake eating contests. The vision was startling and disturbing and did not sit well with me, but I persevered.
I had my Week 4 weigh-in this morning. I lost nothing. I gained nothing, I lost nothing. I lost zero point zero pounds. I have gone to the gym 3 times and one aerobics class at Slimmons. I found out the wine I had on Friday was fine because I had cut out other calories and there is only 110 calories a glass. My body is apparently “adjusting” and I should see great results next week. I hope so, because I am not going to lie, it was a little deflating.
But again, I persevered. I ran to the market and filled my cart with vegetables, fruits and lo-cal necessities, ready and focused on my week ahead.
When I got home, I contemplated going to the gym before I glanced across my living room and decided it was time to conquer one of my fears: the Wii Fit. My friend Joy bought it for me for my birthday. My birthday is June 27th and she bought it for me LAST YEAR. Everyone who has one tells me they get on it and their “Mii” inflates to how fat they are and declares them fat or obese depending on their fitness test. Worst yet, it records their weight, a number I guard more closely than a face-lifted, botox injected woman walking down Rodeo Drive. Friends love to come over and play Wii and I have not wanted to take any chances of my “Mii” popping up on the screen revealing my stats.
I asked Andrew to set it up for me, but waited until he left for work, so that my Wii Fit could be as honest with me as it needed and I could prepare myself for the harsh reality it would unveil. I wasn’t prepared enough. Five shots of vodka MAY have prepared me for what happened next, but I doubt it.
The Wii Fit has a weight limit. 330 pounds. Since I can not write this post without you figuring out the math yourself, I will take this as a cathartic moment and admit my truth: I am at 331 pounds. Perhaps now you know why I walked out of Jenny Craig four weeks ago on the verge of tears. After entering all of my information, it asked me to step on the board. The screen went blank and a message read: “I am sorry, you are over the weight limit. Restarting now.” Strike three, I am out.
The ray of light.
I am not giving up. I have one pound to take off before I can get on that stupid thing. Four weeks ago, I couldn’t get my bathroom scale to register (it has a cut off of 335 pounds). By next weekend, I plan to step on my Wii Fit and conquer it. It has taken me a year, but it is time. And now that I have shared that number out loud, I have nothing left to hide. My weight can only go down from here and my spirit can only raise up.
I will be leaving for the gym shortly.
This has all been a great wake up and a truly remarkable revelation for me because, like I said in my first one, I have been asleep for the last few years. As much as my muscles are tender and sore, my energy is up and I am feeling empowered to keep on keepin’ on.
How did your weigh-ins go this week? Any set backs? Don’t let them discourage you. With the same commitment we had to gaining the weight, we must be as dedicated to losing it. I’m excited to see us all one year from now, thinner, happier, more confident versions of ourselves!