Posted by: King Bee | May 16, 2006

Vacation’s All I Ever Wanted…

Sometimes we need to get away from our lives so we can find ourselves, or at least our smile.

Last week was one of those moments for me. I decided to take Friday off and make a long weekend in Phoenix visiting one of my best friends from high school, Sari and her husband Jim. Once I had committed to taking Friday off, I had no problem saying yes to the private opening night party for Tatsu, the new roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain. Among my many regrets is not having taken more photos.

Here we are at the entrance of the red carpet posing with some characters. No, that isn’t Foghorn Leghorn next to Daffy Duck, it is me. If my jacket bursting open isn’t enough, wait until I tell you about trying to ride the Batman ride.

But first, let me tell you about Tatsu. Tatsu is a foreign word that can be used in any language and still holds the same meaning: You’re an absolute dumb f*cking idiot if you ride this ride!

Tatsu is the tallest, fastest flying coaster in the world. You are strapped in a chair with your feet dangling and the track is above your head. Right as the operator yells, “Clear!” your feet are elevated in the air so that you are now lying face down and preparing to soar through the air like Superman. The Jerk Faces I was with totally talked me into it. And yes, it may have been because Ryan O’Connor did it before me and I couldn’t be the only chicken on the block to not go.

God I am an idiot. It was truly one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. Two and a half minutes of sheer fright. I tried to open my eyes for about 6 seconds and attempt mind over matter, but all my eyes could see was death and me being thrown into outer space. With your position and the speed, the sensation feels like you are flying since you can’t see the track or the car in front of you. It was absolute Hell. Needless to say, I was happy to find a ride that was much more my speed… The Merry Go Round!

I will admit something for anyone wondering what has become of my Love Handles journey… it is safe to say I have found happiness with myself and apparently food. You see, everything in the park was free and there were no lines. So I might have enjoyed a couple of funnel cakes, some mashed potatoes and a couple of tacos. And well, by the time we got to the Batman ride, which is actually one of my favorites… well, let’s just say, my seat belt wouldn’t fit because I was Thanksgiving stuffed and there was just no give. So, as of this morning, I am back to monitoring my food intake and if I haven’t been clear enough, yes this means that I didn’t fit on the ride!!! I am still waiting to have my Oprah moment where I am totally shamed into losing weight, but seriously… those funnel cakes were good! At least I wasn’t like the newly carnivorous Eric Johnson and his giant Turkey leg!

The following morning, I flew to Phoenix were Sari was waiting for me with open arms and shrieks of delight. There really is no better way to be greeted! She is working at the Culinary Academy, so we were treated by the many chefs to a sampling menu of some seriously delicious food for lunch. One bottle of wine and a lot of catching up, we headed back to her house and took naps. Somehow Chris Isaak snuck into my dream and even though he was with a woman, I didn’t mind since he did have his shirt off!

Post nap, Sari and I got ready and headed to the Celebrity Theater where my all time favorite band was waiting to greet us… The Go-Go’s! Before going backstage, Sari and I had a cocktail and reminisced about all of the times in high school that the girls music had soundtracked our lives (my favorite will always be a summer party at Andrea Taboada’s when I brought my Go-Go’s Greatest Hits on cassette and Sari and I danced every single song in the living room. That was the night Get Up and Go became my favorite song of theirs) and how surreal it was that I was now friends with them and Sari would be meeting them.

They didn’t disappoint… Jane pulled Sari into the room and unzipped her sweatshirt to expose a new Go-Go’s shirt that my friend Bonnie had bought at Target. After the ladies all commented and Sari and I headed to our seats, she was so giddy as she declared, “I was just felt up by a Go-Go!”

After the show we hung out for a little while longer as the girls wound down from a truly great show. They really rock harder than anyone else I know. Then it happened. The moment that has been 25 years in the making. I was just sitting there in a chair next to a table of candy (which no, for once I was not eating it!) when Belinda came over and started rummaging. Suddenly, she broke off a piece of dark chocolate and stuck it about three inches from my mouth without saying anything. Not knowing what to do and trying to keep my cool, I opted for taking it out of her hand instead of just opening my mouth and letting her stick it in. Once I had it in my mouth, she said, “isn’t that the best piece of chocolate?” I hate dark chocolate, but I was definitely not lying when I responded with, “that was the best piece of chocolate ever!” Again Jane, I can’t thank you enough for letting me have that great moment with my friend. It was such a picture perfect night that I will never forget. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

The following day, after already having found my smile, I found additional ways to use it as I spent the day by the pool with my two cousins Christopher and Marcia (for anyone keeping track, they are my Aunt Bernice’s grandchildren) and Marcia’s two boys. Nothing makes me happier then well behaved children, and especially smart children who know to love me because then they do, I’ll let them get away with murder. It was such a perfect afternoon.

On the way to pick up Sari, I had some extra time, so I stopped in and got myself a pedicure. Honestly, I can’t remember such a good weekend in so long. When we got back to the house, Jim had bought stuff to grill and (gulp) some chocolate cake and champagne for me. Oh yeah. Then while we were cooking, we put Chris Isaak’s new video collection on the big screen. I know, I am as shocked as anyone reading this that I ever even left. Especially because for breakfast, we had more champagne and cake. AND, if all of that wasn’t enough, I would like to introduce you to my new best friend who I spent the entire time falling in love with, Miss Penelope Wigglesworth…

She is enormous and gorgeous. I couldn’t get enough. Now that I am back at home, with my smile happily attached to my face, I have to say thank you to Sari and Jim and Jane and Marcia and Christopher and everyone who supported me going on this trip. I almost feel bad for bragging about it so much. Almost!




  1. Never feel bad when a trip was that good! I am totally jealous…time with the Go-Go’s & Sari? Awesome.

    xxoo paula

  2. that sounds like it was EXACTLY what you needed.

    and penelope? love her!

    mmm cake for breakfast. hee hee.

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