Posted by: King Bee | May 15, 2007

Dancing in my dreams

I’m afraid I am becoming an insomniac.

It is 2:40am. I am wide awake.

Not even a yawn.

Have had a sinus infection for over a week now.

Dr. has me on antibiotics.

There is a bacteria in my sinuses that can cause influenza.

That seems like such a retro disease. So 1950s.

Are these pills keeping me awake?

I wish I woke up with this much energy.

But you guessed it, late to bed, torture to rise.

Must be alert tomorrow. I run our staff meeting.

Would make for a bad time to doze off.

Did you watch Dancing tonight?

Joey was fantastic.

They all were really, but I am definitely biased.

His second dance was so full of life.

I should dance more.

I remember in 1989 I wanted to be a choreographer.

As in, that is what I wanted to pour all of my energy and life into.

I was inspired by this hot Hollywood property named Paula Abdul.

What ever happened to her? She used to be on top of the world.

Come back to the five and dime Paula Abdul, Paula Abdul.

My mom said I was too big, gangly and awkward.

I’m sure I replaced the dance classes with Ding Dongs and Doritos.

I wonder who I might be today if I had pursued that dream.

I would have developed a different body.

Who would I have been without my years of body issues?

It may have made me cocky.

But it might have made me strong.

In spite of her, I have never met a dancefloor I couldn’t take.

Maybe not in spite of her.

I think your body just knows to move.

It’s how free you let it be that determines your skill.

And I don’t think skill is determined by technique.

It’s determined by how loose you let yourself be.

Your inhibitions be damned.

Even on Dancing With the Stars, we aren’t impressed with their technical pose.

But how freely moved by the music that they light up the dancefloor.

I just yawned.

Finally.

Possibly because my post has become too repetitive and rambling.

Whatever the reason, I will use it as an excuse to finally catch some sleep.

Perhaps I will even choreograph a dance or two in my mind.

And do some dancing in my dreams…

But before I go, I’m curious. Did you ever have a moment where someone in your life squashed one of your dreams?

What changed your mind from being an astronaut or a fireman? A ballerina or an actress?

No matter how silly, I would be curious to hear. What was the moment that changed your path and who would you have been without the interference of someone else’s words?

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Responses

  1. insomnia is the worst. i hope you are able to get some sleep AND feel better soon. xoxox

    i never thought myself graceful after my mom referred to me as a “bull in a china shop”- and to think, i used to take ballet.

    you are the best dancer i know! you light up a room.

  2. Sinus infection…..been there done that more than I care to think about. Hope you get to feeling better soon. I too go through spurts of insomnia…..don’t mind it so much at night……but the mornings….I’m such a bear…..GROWWWWLLLLL. LOL

    I too love to dance. Never thought of doing it professionally, but I do love to get into the music and I’ve been told I do have rhythm.

  3. I feel for you. Hopefully it will go away for you soon. I’ve had insomnia that last few nights. It’s currently making me very cranky and giving me headaches.

    Take care of yourself!

  4. Wow. I’ve had such body & self esteem issues for so long that I don’t even remember my dreams being squashed. Gee. Depressing. Maybe not so much. I do love where I am right now. 😉

    My five year old is a dancer. We dance around the house at least once a day. He is so happy. Dancing = Happiness? He LOVES ballet. I’ve heard a few comments from close minded people. My thoughts? It’s easier for a male ballet dancer to get a scholarship. hehehehe All about that!

    Get better soon!

  5. I used to dance, when I was a kid. From 9 to 12 yrs old, I was the only boy in a sea of girls. I was pretty good, and it was a lot of fun. But when I got to jr high, the big brother of one of my dance mates told everyone I was a “ballerina” and a “faggot”. I never went back. 25 years later, I still ache when I watch a dance performance or Cirque du Soleil. I so vividly remember what it was like to be up there, stretching, leaping, twisting, smiling. At the end of a show, my muscles are exhausted, as though I had just performed myself. I wish I had been strong enough to take the slings and arrows. The life of a dancer would’ve been such a great adventure.

  6. You know, I remember my dream since I was 12 was to study in London. During college I was having trouble with the funds and I remember my friends and family telling me that I shouldn’t go because It was not worth the money, I will get home sick, I can wait and go when the American dollar is stronger in currency and so on.. I remember all these people who tried to hold me back and I almost listened. I almost canceled my study abroad program but I realized that would mean that all those people would win. I took out an extra loan and I went. For six months I had the time of my life and I had no regrets. The funny thing is, all those people who tried to hold me back later told me that they were proud of me cause I did something that they never could do.

    Thats when I realized, those who try to hold us back are the ones who are too scared to do it themselves.


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