Posted by: King Bee | May 31, 2009

Well ain’t that a kick in the head?

I have been forced to deal with a few blows this weekend. It’s been a lot for me to process and I figured, “what better way to start off the week than with a huge gut sized dose of reality and over-sharing?”

Strike one:

Yesterday morning, I woke up at my friend’s beach house feeling good and only slightly guilty for the few glasses of wine I had enjoyed the night before. So I trotted off to the Bally’s in Hermosa (a first for me) and got a good work out in so I could enjoy the rest of my Saturday guilt-free. When I got back to the house to shower, I saw something in the mirror that I am not sure I have ever seen- a full length, nude side-profile of yours truly. Our bathroom at home is too small for any such visual, so for the last four years I have lived here, this has been an image easy to avoid. In a large enough bathroom where you can back far enough away from the mirror to fit your whole self in… it is a vision one can not avoid.

I felt like one of those cartoons, where the person from the front looked normal, but their side profile, they were thin as a pancake after a piano or giant anvil had landed on them. Only what I saw in the mirror was not a pancake, but a person who looks like they could win back to back pancake eating contests. The vision was startling and disturbing and did not sit well with me, but I persevered.

Strike two.

I had my Week 4 weigh-in this morning. I lost nothing. I gained nothing, I lost nothing. I lost zero point zero pounds. I have gone to the gym 3 times and one aerobics class at Slimmons. I found out the wine I had on Friday was fine because I had cut out other calories and there is only 110 calories a glass. My body is apparently “adjusting” and I should see great results next week. I hope so, because I am not going to lie, it was a little deflating.

But again, I persevered. I ran to the market and filled my cart with vegetables, fruits and lo-cal necessities, ready and focused on my week ahead.

Strike three.

When I got home, I contemplated going to the gym before I glanced across my living room and decided it was time to conquer one of my fears: the Wii Fit. My friend Joy bought it for me for my birthday. My birthday is June 27th and she bought it for me LAST YEAR. Everyone who has one tells me they get on it and their “Mii” inflates to how fat they are and declares them fat or obese depending on their fitness test. Worst yet, it records their weight, a number I guard more closely than a face-lifted, botox injected woman walking down Rodeo Drive. Friends love to come over and play Wii and I have not wanted to take any chances of my “Mii” popping up on the screen revealing my stats.

I asked Andrew to set it up for me, but waited until he left for work, so that my Wii Fit could be as honest with me as it needed and I could prepare myself for the harsh reality it would unveil. I wasn’t prepared enough. Five shots of vodka MAY have prepared me for what happened next, but I doubt it.

The Wii Fit has a weight limit. 330 pounds. Since I can not write this post without you figuring out the math yourself, I will take this as a cathartic moment and admit my truth: I am at 331 pounds. Perhaps now you know why I walked out of Jenny Craig four weeks ago on the verge of tears. After entering all of  my information, it asked me to step on the board. The screen went blank and a message read: “I am sorry, you are over the weight limit. Restarting now.” Strike three, I am out.

The ray of light.

I am not giving up. I have one pound to take off before I can get on that stupid thing. Four weeks ago, I couldn’t get my bathroom scale to register (it has a cut off of 335 pounds). By next weekend, I plan to step on my Wii Fit and conquer it. It has taken me a year, but it is time. And now that I have shared that number out loud, I have nothing left to hide. My weight can only go down from here and my spirit can only raise up.

I will be leaving for the gym shortly.

This has all been a great wake up and a truly remarkable revelation for me because, like I said in my first one, I have been asleep for the last few years. As much as my muscles are tender and sore, my energy is up and I am feeling empowered to keep on keepin’ on.

How did your weigh-ins go this week? Any set backs? Don’t let them discourage you. With the same commitment we had to gaining the weight, we must be as dedicated to losing it. I’m excited to see us all one year from now, thinner, happier, more confident versions of ourselves!

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Responses

  1. Remain positive! Maintaining weight is harder than losing weight. Be happy that you have lost weight, kept it off, and that you have the positive outlook and energy to continue to lose weight. ❤

  2. My friend, I feel you on this. I’m sorry you didn’t see a loss of lbs at the scale this week but do not lose hope. Feeling better in our bodies is just as important as that number on the scale. Actually it’s MORE important (at least to me). It’s brave of you to put all of this out for us to read and I hope you know it helps me immensely as I struggle on my own journey. I only wish we didn’t live so far apart.

    If it helps anything, when I weighed myself last Tuesday for my starting weight the scale read 224lbs. Sigh. There is much work to be done but we will get there because we can’t keep holding ourselves back. We’re too fucking fierce for that bullshit.

    Loving you,
    me

  3. Just remember, if you only lose 1 lb. a week, after a year you’ve lost 52 pounds – that’s really good! 1 lb a week. It doesn’t seem like anything and seems bad, but it adds up. Keep it up!

  4. The Wii Fit is a great tool & I guarantee you will love it. It helps to switch things up a bit between workouts, and some of the activities are a good workout themselves! And don’t worry about anyone seeing your stats, you can password protect them. When you fire up the Wii Fit it shows a graph with the stats of all users, but if you pw protect yours, they won’t show up. Keep up the good work – you are dedicated and that is the hardest part. You will see more results before you know it 🙂

  5. I think it’s totally brave of you to put your weight out there – You and Sizz both! It’s not an easy thing to do for many people.

    For the record – I’m about 255.

    The way I see it – it’s just a reference number and it doesn’t define who you are as a person.

    I’m glad you are turning these strikes into positives though – it’s good to know where you are at because then you know where you want to go to.

    And BTW – you could totally do other games on the Wii without the Wii Fit limitations and still get in some exercise. Check it out:

    http://www.easportsactive.com/home.action

    http://www.amazon.com/Golds-Gym-Cardio-Workout-Nintendo-Wii/dp/B001KX504C

    And even something like Wii tennis can get you up and moving around and tricking you into having fun…

  6. Ha, ha……I still have my WII fit sealed in the box and it’s probably been a year too! Good luck, I hope you lose your 1 pound and can use it. Maybe I’ll get mine out one of these days.

  7. Oh my GOSH, are you and I in sync today or what? I just posted a really raw blog entry about my weight and admitted the real number there as well…268 pounds.

    The thing is…I don’t think we can truly change ourselves without looking at the reality of how big we are. Once we see that and it slaps us in the face, we’re able to get moving much faster and with much more dedication.

    I am totally rooting for you!

  8. Well Bob, what I would have given for your 0 point gain or loss. I had a two pound gain this week. I wasn’t surprised though. I was not happy with the last WW meeting and switched WW centers this week. I have a new leader now who is much more fun and inspirational.

    Also my right knee is giving me grief. I haven’t been able to do My Fitness Coach on the wii this week and thought maybe I would start walking but even that is giving me pain.

    I have a wii fit as well and haven’t really used it. Maybe I should start. That might be easier because I can choose what I would like to do.

    Good Luck this week. Let’s all have a loss this week. :o)

  9. body image issues come in all shapes and sizes….everyone can relate. i have always struggled with weight my whole life…up..down..really up..ugh! best of luck

  10. […] Tuesday I weighed myself and the scale read 224 lbs. (I figure if Tomato and Snackie and put their weights out there then so can I. GULP!) Today when I weighed myself the […]

  11. I password protect my Wii Fit weight – just in case others want to play when they come over. My husband knows how much I weigh and I’m cool with that, way less pressure and lying. We actually get on the thing together on Sunday mornings for our weekly WI. You are so close, I’m rootin’ for you to succeed…trust me, you aren’t alone in the whole full length mirror thing – we have closet mirrord doors…across from the shower. I’m getting more and more comfortable with what I see as I lose the weight, but it still makes me cringe. You can do this – I’m excited for you.

  12. Hey Bob, I love you just the way you are but know how you feel. I am sure my butt is now bigger than yours…tee hee…okay, putting mine out there now, uggh, 227 and I am too short for this amount UGGH!! Never give up!

  13. […] 3, 2009 So yeah, remember that full length mirror I was telling you about? I’ve actually discovered an even worse visual reminder that exposes our even worse angles: A […]


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